Homesick
by jeannyboy
Summary: Our lovable Warden is feeling homesick for her Dalish clan, so Alistair tries (and fails) to cheer her up.


In the outskirts of the Brecilian forest, a former Dalish elf led a party of companions back to their camp. Many were covered in wounds gathered from demons and wolves alike, the worst being their elvish leader.

A rather large dog, almost as big as it's owner, went up and licked the hand of the elf in question. This made her smile, and she rubbed his head affectionately. Of the members of the party, was one lightly armored assassin with a bow across her back and a heavily armored warrior with a defeated expression on his face.

"I think we're almost back to camp, just a bit further." the elf said to her companions.

"Thank the maker, I am still not used to the entrails of demons being so foul." said the archer, Leliana, hurrying up her pace.

"It doesn't bother me, but it does, I mean it's not like we haven't killed them before. I think it was that weird demon from that camp. He was especially… disgusting." the warrior Alistair said.

"He was just like any other demon, at least no one else will ever fall trap to that again." the elf replied.

They arrived at the camp shortly after that, where their remaining wounds were patched up. The leader, Lyna, warmed herself in the fire, the events of that day weighing heavily on her mind. She was rather good at masking her troubling thoughts, but they had been nagging at her all day, and she had become rather exhausted.

Being back in a clan setting for the first time since becoming a Grey Warden was not easy. Memories came flooding back, the trust and respect each of the clan members had for each other. They way that they had been so accepting of her, it was so different than her life as a Grey Warden. Part of her almost wanted to stay with them that night, camping with them and sharing stories like in the old days, when little ones would learn the story of the gods, and the betrayal of Fen'Harel. The tight-knit community that existed within them.

Lyna remembered the death of her parents, and how the rest of the clan had adopted her as their own, and how she became friends with Tamlen, and learned to hunt with him. It seemed so far away now. She was sitting in front of another fire, but no matter how close she had become with some of her companions, often times she felt like an outcast still, homesickness threatening to overwhelm her.

Her senses, fine tuned from years in the forest, picked up someone approaching from behind. Based on the awkward, heavy footfalls, she knew exactly who it was.

"Good evening Alistair." she said.

"How did you know that? Can you like read minds or something? I wouldn't be surprised, how did you know it was me?" he rambled. After a few months of traveling with him, she had grown accustomed to his rather long responses.

"Sten is on watch, Morrigan is at her tent, Leliana is at the nearby lake, Zevran is out for the night, and Cuddles is off hunting, I think. There's no one else in camp but us." she stated matter-of-factly.

"You are good, I'll give you that." Alistair seemed to notice right away that she had been deep in thought, whether it showed on her face or not, she had tried to mask any sadness. She didn't want to admit her feelings to a _shem_ , even as close as they had grown over the past few months.

"Is everything alright? I know it probably wasn't easy for you, seeing the clan. I mean I know it wasn't your clan, but still." Alistair looked at her, clearly waiting for some response. However awkward he had been at times, Lyna would give him credit to being incredibly observant when it came to reading people's emotions. She didn't want to burden him, or give away how weak she was feeling. Leaders weren't supposed to be weak.

"Yeah. I guess I'm just tired." she lied.

"Well of course, after those demons anyone would be, but I'm talking about the elves. It was… really neat seeing them today actually. It's weird, everything I've ever heard about the Dalish, you know those ridiculous rumors about sacrificing people, are all wrong. I mean of course I never believed them. Really though, the Dalish seem like good people." he said, Lyna was quiet as she took in what he just said.

She had heard plenty of subtle comments about her being an elf, whether being mistaken as a servant or being called "knife-ear," she was well aware of the shems' disdain for the Dalish. The markings on her face were not a disguise, but she wore them with pride wherever she went. So to hear a shem speaking of her kin in a good light, she was taken aback. Lyna couldn't help herself but talk further.

"It was strange, leaving that life for the Wardens. I'm glad that you are not ignorant as so many are." Lyna said truthfully, a small smile turn up the corners of her mouth.

"Thanks! I really did like seeing the Dalish, and I couldn't believe you helped that poor sap earlier, the one who was an apprentice in love. I didn't realize you had it in you." he said, bumping her shoulder lightly with his. She thought back to that morning, persuading the elven girl to accept the apprentice's hand.

"I wasn't going to just leave him in such a miserable state, not when he was so clearly smitten with that woman, that would just be cruel." Lyna said, and it was true. She had felt quite sorry for him as he explained his predicament. To be unable to marry because of status was unfair, and she decided to talk to this girl for him. She was glad it turned out well for them.

"Aww… I knew it! You do have a soft side. I can see it now, Lyna Mahariel, matchmaker of poor saps to pretty women." Alistair said with a laugh. He soon realized his words, and felt his heart quicken. He had been denying it, but he had felt drawn closer to his leader more recently, for reasons he was still too shy to acknowledge.

"I am no matchmaker, but love among the Dalish is no small thing. It is regarded highly, at least within my clan it was." Lyna confessed, feeling her heart quicken as well. She had not talked with Alistair about her clan, and she could not figure out what was driving her to do so now.

"Really? Do you wanna talk about it?" Alistair asked, immediately wanting to shove his foot in his mouth. In the months he had known her, she hadn't ever really talked of them. Not at length at least.

Lyna thought about it. It was a given of course that she felt uncomfortable talking about her clan, when her wounds were still fresh, but Alistair was one of her closest friends. They had survived Ostagar together and been on the run for months now. She knew his curiosity, and also knew that there was hardly an ounce of ill-will within him, and he would never betray her willingly.

"My clan was not so different from the one we are meeting with." Lyna tried to stop herself, but there was something about him that drew her in, "Our Keeper, Marethari was a bit more strict however. My friend T-" she couldn't say his name, "and I would sometimes get into a bit of trouble, and she was also scolding us for it, not that I could blame her. Like this one time, he dared me to ride a halla." Lyna said with a sad smile, fondly remembering the memory.

"Ride a halla? Can you even do that?" Alistair asked incredulously, enraptured by her story.

"Turns out you can." she laughed again, and tried to get past the growing lump in her throat. "He said if I did it, he'd give me half of his meals over the next week. So I did. I will say, if someone tells you to ride a halla, don't do it!" Lyna said, laughing harder as she remembered the next part. "It made the strangest noise when I got on its back, it tried to buck me off, well, it did, and I almost got impaled with all those horns!"

"No!"

"I did! The Keeper lectured me for at least an hour. True to his word though, T...Tamlen gave me half his rations." her laughing subsided, as she stuttered out his name. She hadn't said it since the accident. Alistair seemed to sense this also, the way her eyes filled with unshed tears. He knew that she probably didn't want to talk about him, but he was genuinely curious.

"You two were close, weren't you?" as soon as he said it, Alistair wanted to put his foot in his mouth. Again.

Lyna took a moment before responding. She had not told anyone about Tamlen, about the mirror or the weird ruins. She questioned whether to tell Alistair or not, but her emotions won out.

"Yes." she said quietly, the word slipping out like the quiet coo of a mourning dove.

"Can I ask what happened?" he trailed off, but she knew what he meant. Alistair wanted to kick himself. Here she was struggling with this memory, and he had to ask her about it more.

"We were exploring old ruins one day." Lyna wanted to stop herself, but she lost control of her words as they stumbled out, "and we came upon this weird ruin. I told him not to touch it, I told him…" she felt tears prick her eyes, but she promised herself she wouldn't cry. Not in front of him. "He did it anyway. When I woke up, I was infected with the taint. And Tamlen was gone."

She tried to hold back, she really did. But the tears trickled down her face just the same, hot burning tears of regret. Her most beloved friend, one that she thought she could grow to love one day, snatched away from her by the darkspawn.

Alistair felt awful. He shouldn't have asked, and now Lyna was crying in front of him, a woman who had called him an idiot at their first meeting, who had been mostly logic and reasoning in their travels. He knew that she did have emotion, but this is the most he had ever seen her express it.

Unsure of what else to do, Alistair reached a hand out tentatively and put it on her shoulder in reassurance. He had little experience with women in general, and women crying was something entirely new.

Lyna felt his hand on her shoulder, warm and comforting. They had both shed their armor for clothes that night, and so there was no cold metal between them, but just the steady reassurance he had to offer. She felt her pulse increase at his closeness, and she frowned at the foreign nature of it. Her emotions over losing her friend were her main concern, not some weird chest constrictions.

Talking about Tamlen, about what happened, seemed to take a weight off Lyna's shoulders she hadn't realized. As she wiped her tears away, she realized how much she had been holding back her emotions. Alistair broke the silence, his words quiet.

"It's okay to show emotion, you know. You don't always have to be this cold-hard leader that you've been trying to be." Lyna was not easy to surprise, she was cool and collected most of the time, but his words shook her to her core, and she felt the truth of them hit her like a train.

She remained silent as she pondered his words. Her strength had been born out of necessity, their strange party had needed a leader, and she needed to lead. She hadn't let herself show much emotion, but she realized how wrong she was. Bottling up her regret over Tamlen and her clan and turning it into bitterness towards the Wardens, stopping up her emotions, had hurt her deeply.

Alistair had not wavered from her side, ever since Ostagar he has helped her in their mission to rebuild the Wardens. She was grateful that he was with her, and while she had grown fond of many of her companions, she had a sort of mutual understanding with Alistair after Ostagar, even as rocky as their relationship had been in the beginning.

Feeling vulnerable for the first time in months, she allowed herself to lean her head against Alistair. His shoulder was strong from wielding a longsword, but like his hand, it was warm and comfortable.

Alistair had not expected this. He knew his kind words had an effect on her, but his hand fell to his side as she leaned her head against his shoulder. He tried not to panic, his inexperience worrying him, but he couldn't help but revel in how _right_ she felt against him. How her short red hair blazed in the firelight and her vallaslin cast an intricate shadow across her face.

He smiled, feeling warmth and fondness fill his being through their closeness. Neither of them spoke, but let a calm stillness wash over them. Lyna shut her eyes and let the quiet crackling of the fire heal her, the sound of the wind through the trees, the steadiness of her companion.

Alistair hadn't ever looked at her like this, and he found himself entranced by her. It was more than her beauty, it was her spirit. The unwavering fear she had in the face of darkspawn, the loyalty she had for their companions, her firm beliefs, and the hidden sensitivity under it all. He found himself lost in this new feeling, and without thinking he laid his head over hers, giving her quiet affirmation that everything would be okay.

He knew that they would face great dangers in the future, with the oncoming darkspawn hordes and dangerous traitors, but for that one moment he allowed himself to be near her. She felt herself open up to him in a way that she hadn't felt since leaving her clan. His unwavering kindness and innocence was a rare thing in the crazy life she had been thrown into. These feelings were new to her, this growing sense of safety, but she didn't want to know what life would be like without it.


End file.
